I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
