Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize