she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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