And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
