oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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