Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
