Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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