TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
