She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
