hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
