Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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