Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
