First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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