Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
