i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
