I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Randomize
