3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
