the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
