there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
