It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
