Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize