Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Nicole vs. Life
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
