I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
