my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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