he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
