Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
