before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
