Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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