Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize