walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
