my mouth tastes like poor choices
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
