I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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