so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
