glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
