You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
