Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
