you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My life is pants optional.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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