Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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