the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
