Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
