dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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