Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
