I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Of course I have a pirate flag
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
