By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
