No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
