Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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