I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
