we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
