I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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