She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
