I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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