): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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