I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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