Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
