did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
