I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
