Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize