You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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