He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
