you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
