I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
my shit smells like andre
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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