How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
