just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
