honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
