I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
